A Good Read

      Let me preface this article with saying, I am not saying anything about a particular Church. I am also not saying what may be joyful things for many have to be avoided because of other's trials. I just thought this was an interesting article and I have felt these feelings many times. I want to avoid many holidays because most are centered around activities for Children. This weekend is Easter. I wish we were out buying Easter baskets to give to our children, but we aren't. I wish we were preparing for our first born because he or she would have been born in April, but we aren't. If you have the time, take the time to read this article. And this song, just makes want to cry every time I hear it. 

https://worldchildlessweek.net/dear-christian-church

When I Pray for You

Update on Doctors appointments: 

So yesterday I went to the Cancer Center to see the hematologist. I had a lot of blood drawn, like 12 things. They took blood to rerun labs for my blood disorder, Factor V, and labs for my thyroid. 

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough

On March 18th, (Last Thursday) I had HSG #4. This HSG showed the exact same results that I had the very first time I had it done back in January of 2019. The dye went through my right side and not my left. This could mean my left tube may be blocked due to my endometriosis, it could mean it tensed because of the pressure, or it means it is just simply blocked. 

The great thing that happen while at Brookwood was that I made 2 new friends! There were four of us that were all called back at the same time. Three of us had to wait together for at least 45 minutes before we slowly got called one by one. We talked about everything from our age, job, where we are on the TTC (trying to conceive) journey. We exchanged each other's phone numbers and now have a group chat for support whenever we need it! While, I didn't want to have to go to Brookwood, at least one thing positive came out of it. 

So what does this mean for our journey? 

Well I am hoping surgery isn't in the picture since doing IVF doesn't involve your tubes. However, I won't really know until my next visit with ART. I am hoping/praying my next visit with ART will be our IVF initial appointment. I am still continuing to take the thyroid medicine for hypothyroidism. I have my first COVID vaccine shot this afternoon, and I see the hematologist next Tuesday. So I will update next week on what happens with those appointments next week. 

I am on Spring Break this week, and decided to watch one of my favorite movies Overcomer today. It reminded me to truly focus on who Christ says I am, and not what the world says I am. 

Who You Say I Am

You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know...

I am: (Ephesians 1-2) 

Created by God

Forgiven

Adopted

Chosen

Sealed

Redeemed 

Saved 

Loved 

Child of God

3-17-2021

Just an update from this week's appointments: 

So last week I posted about having to have the HSG test done again. Well I go in Monday morning, Brandon drives me, and I get called back about 7:35, so basically right on time. I meet the tech who is going to be performing the HSG, and the nurse who will be doing the x-ray. Well, without being too graphic, issues happen and I walk out of Baptist East Outpatient having no answers for this procedure. 

Luckily, someone from ART reached out. Now I am scheduled to have the HSG done again on Thursday of this week in Birmingham. This time, mom is driving me up there. SIDE NOTE: It just so happens I am also scheduled for my first dose of the vaccine on this day. Hopefully I can get back in time for my appointment. It was recommended by the doctors to go ahead and get the vaccine if I was in an eligible category. 

So next week, I will update you on how the HSG in Birmingham goes. Then the week after that I see the hematologist at the cancer center. WHEW...this is busy with a lot going on. I just ask that you keep us in your prayers. This past week has been a huge struggle, and I just want to be able to believe that better things are coming for us. Right now though, it feels as if everything is wrong. 

These are some scriptures that I have really been diving into this week and just meditating on:

Teach me your ways O Lord that I may rely on your faithfulness, give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

Lord, you are the God who saves me, day and night I cry out to you. May my prayer come before you, turn your ear to hear my cry. Psalm 88:1-2

My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

The Lord is trustworthy in all His promises and faithful in all He does. Psalm 145:13b 

03-10-2021

Today was supposed to be the start to our IVF process. What turned into an appointment that I thought went fine turned into 10 phone calls later and IVF being postponed until our next cycle. 

First, I thought I wasn't going to have an HSG done again. However, now I am. So Monday morning I have an HSG scheduled for 7:30. 

Second, I have mentioned this before... That I am a carrier for Factor V (A blood clotting disorder). Well 6 years ago in 2015, I had a consultation with a hematologist to decide the best form of birth control. It was decided that I would have an IUD. So at today's appointment, I mention it just to make sure that we make the right decision for the IVF cycle with taking birth control for a few weeks. Well turns out I have to have another consult with the same doctor about the birth control for IVF before we can proceed. It is scheduled for March 30th at the Cancer Center. 

Third, I apparently have a possible issue with my thyroid and am having to take medicine to make my levels come down. 

While all of this is frustrating, somewhere through all this there is a plan bigger and greater than I am. I'm not sure what it is, but praying for it be revealed in God's timing. 

I ask for your prayers through this uncertainty. While we thought we were ready to start we are now on hold. 

Endometriosis Awareness Month

March is Endometriosis Awareness month. 

An estimated 1 in 10 women suffer from endometriosis. I am 1 in 10. In October 2019, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was having surgery to have a tube unblocked, and the Dr. discovered the endometriosis and removed it. I also ended up finding out that both of my tubes were open. 

Many women don't know that they have endometriosis. Most aren't diagnosed until they are in their 30s or 40s. 

So what is endometriosis? Well it is when tissue (like what lines the uterus) is found on the outside of the uterus. It can be found within a few different places; ovaries or behind the uterus. 

What are the symptoms? Extremely painful periods, pelvic pain, pain when using the restroom, fatigue, infertility, and a few more. 

Is there a way to cure it? No. Two things can be done. First, pain can be managed with medicine. Second, surgery to remove it. 

Why do we need to raise awareness about it? The same reason we raise awareness about infertility, cancer, other diseases....to educate others, to let others know they aren't alone, to raise money for a cause, or to help a friend or love one understand what someone is going through. 

Dear God, 

I pray for all the women suffering from endometriosis. I pray that they would know they aren't alone. I pray they'd know you are right beside them along this ride of life. I pray for pain to lessen and for questions to be answered. In Jesus Name! Amen! 

Money---check! (Just a quick update)

WE MADE IT!!! $17,000

I feel as if I am at a loss about what to share this week. I mean we are literally waiting for ONE thing to happen so that we can start our IVF process.  ONE THING! I am trying so hard to be patient about it! But I have also gained a little excitement for the process to start. 

We DID make it to our financial goal! ($17,000) Any extra that comes in now we will put aside for the Montgomery doctor visits. I also had someone else donate a little bit of medicine to us that I am supposed to be going to pick up this week or next week! We give glory to God, that through many many people He has made this journey possible for us! 

Thank you for all the prayers and support! 

How do I support my friend that is battling infertility?

Recently, I had a friend ask if I have ever done a post about how friends, who haven't gone through infertility, can be supportive on our infertility journey. 

Well my immediate response was that I made a previous post about the wrong things being said to us, and how we can/should react to them. Link: Showing Grace even when it is hard

So here is the question of the day: 

How can a friend (who has not gone through infertility) support a friend who is battling infertility?

**These answers are from my personal experience, and I asked a few friends their thoughts too**

1. BE A PRAYER WARRIOR FOR THEM- Don't say I am praying for you and then never do it. Pray for them - intercede to God on their behalf - When you say you are going to pray for them - Why not do it right then and there? Through a text, over the phone, in a hand written letter in the mail? 

2. KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF - I don't mean this rudely at all. Many times people giving their opinions to us is what hurts the most. They may share a story of well this worked for my friend, or my doctor said take these vitamins, maybe you need more time, just relax and it'll happen, lose weight first, it finally happened for my friend 10 years later, You should take my kids for a day...it'll change your mind, you are so lucky y'all can do whatever you want, why do you want to do this...being a parent is so hard, you could always adopt, at least it was early when you miscarried, etc. These things don't help, trust me. Some people say some of these things not thinking they are hurtful, which is where we have to be mindful to show grace because they truly don't know.

3. LISTENING EAR, SHOULDER TO CRY ON- Everyone needs someone that is willing to just sit down and listen, and a shoulder to cry on. This doesn't just apply to infertility either. We want to be a listening ear/shoulder to cry on for you in whatever your struggle is just as much as we want you to be one for us!  

4. DON'T BE AFRAID TO LET US CELEBRATE WITH YOU- (This may vary from person to person). Let me find out the same way you are telling everyone else that you are pregnant. Be understanding that I can be joyful for your situation and sad for myself and my husband at the same time. I can't compare my life to yours because God chose a different journey for us. That doesn't mean we aren't excited for your blessing. We just continue to wonder why it hasn't happened for us. 

5. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS- (This may vary from person to person) I have been really open with our infertility journey, but others suffer in silence. I personally don't mind me asked about medicines, procedures, etc.  *Ask: How can I pray for you? How can I support you? How are you doing? *Don't Ask women/couples when they are going to start having babies. You may be asking someone who is suffering in silence. If you know your friend is going through a treatment cycle, don't ask if it was successful. They'll tell you in their own time what their next steps are.  

6. LASTY CARE & ENCOURAGE!- Just care about us! We want to care about you too! We want to know that someone is beside us along the journey. We don't want to be avoided but we do want you to be aware of our situation. Let us know that you believe in us and believe that God will provide in His timing! 

**I hope these help! If anyone going through infertility has more ways I can add, please let me know**