Saturday, April 11, 2020

All the Emotions

What was the next step after our video conference: To call once my cycle started again. So late November, I called, an appointment was made, an ultrasound was done. "I'm sorry you can't go through treatment this month." My eyes water as I process what was just said to me. Why? I had a 3.5cm cyst sitting on my right ovary. I cried walking out of the doctor's office, because to me this didn't make any kind of sense. I literally just had surgery five weeks ago, and the doctor did not mention anything about a cyst. "You'll just have to call when you start again."

Late December, here we are again. My prayer for this whole month has been that the cyst dissolved on its own and we will have an opportunity to do treatments! One prayer was answered...the cyst had dissolved, and I was so excited for that news! So meds, shots, and shots again.

I also want to give a HUGE shoutout to my parents who have helped us financially through several of these cycles!

In January, we have the IUI, two weeks later, the dreaded voicemail arrives. "We are so sorry Mrs. Owens, but your test was negative for this cycle. Please call us again when you've started your cycle." I couldn't even cry. I was SO MAD! All I wanted was another chance? Was that too much to ask? Was it?

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil" Psalm 37:8

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27

Prayer from Longing for Motherhood: "Jesus, today all of my pain is turning into anger...again. I confess at times I have directed that anger towards my family, my friends, and even toward You. Forgive me. Help me to overcome this terrible emotion so that it will not turn into bitterness and cause me to sin. Please soften my heart and help me to trust in Your unfailing love."

WOAH...this prayer was perfect for that time. I was taking my anger out on others, including God, but I needed to release it to Him!

Don't be afraid to hide all your emotions from God. He already knows them. Pray for him to release the fears and overcome what you are feeling! TRUST IN HIM!

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