While I'm Waiting

There are so many of us in a waiting period right now due to COVID-19 and other circumstances. People are waiting on their places of work to reopen, schools to open back up, surgeries to be done, treatments to start back, and so much more. What do we do during this waiting period of waiting for the physical things? What do we do during the waiting period of the spiritual things? Things we know can only come from God... 

Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof? One of my favorite songs to listen to in a spiritual "waiting period" is from this movie. 

Take a moment and listen: While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting/ I'm waiting on You, Lord /And I am hopeful /I'm waiting on You, Lord/ Though it is painful/ But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident/ Taking every step in obedience/ While I'm waiting/ I will serve You/ While I'm waiting/ I will worship/ While I'm waiting/ I will not faint/ I'll be running the race/ Even while I waitI'm waiting/ I'm waiting on You, Lord /And I am peaceful/ I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy, no/ But faithfully, I will wait/ Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead, bold and confident/ Taking every step in obedience/ While I'm waiting/ I will serve You/ While I'm waiting/ I will worship/ While I'm waiting/ I will not faint/ I'll be running the race/ Even while I wait (x2)

And I will serve You while I'm waiting/ I will worship while I'm waiting/ I will serve You while I'm waiting/ I will worship while I'm waiting/ I will serve you while I'm waiting/ I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord 

There are so many verses in the Bible that tell us to wait. So while we are waiting let's worship, serve, be hopeful, be confident in the Lord, be obedient, and be faithful! We must have a willing heart to wait no matter what we are "waiting" for! After you pray, do take time to sit and listen or do we move on to the next busy part of our lives? I know there are very few times that I have done that. But as I sit here and think about, it makes so much sense to listen for a reply. We don't just say what we need to say on the phone and not give the other person a chance to reply, do we? 

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the Lord;
He inclined to me
and heard my cry. 

Psalm 27:13-14
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord.
Be of good courage
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord. 

Lamentations 3:22-26
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, 
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is thy faithfulness,
The Lord is my portion, says my soul, 
Therefore I have hope in Him. 
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, 
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord. 

Lord, 
I pray today, that we would patiently wait on you. I pray for our hearts to continually be strengthened by our relationship with you. I pray that we all would continue to worship and serve as we wait. Give us the patience we need Lord! Thank you for being our hope everyday! Thank you for your mercies being new every morning! AMEN! 

FEAR

Google defines fear as "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." (n)

In my original post on social media to announce that I would be sharing our story, I mentioned the story in Mark 4 about Jesus calming the storm and I just wanted to dig a little deeper into it. In this story we see two types of fear. First, we see that the disciples ask Jesus in v38, "do You not care that we are perishing?." After Jesus calms the storm, He asked in verse 40, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have so little faith?" The disciples are scared just as many of us are when we go through different situations. We are fearful of our desires not being met. We are fearful of how long the journey will last. We are fearful of things being out of our control. REALITY CHECK, things are not in our control. Jesus is in complete control. Secondly, verse 41 says, "And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, "Who can this be that even the wind and the sea obey Him!"" Is this the same type of fear? Absolutely not. This is faith, awe-filled/reverence fear of God.

Here is our struggle: Our worst fear through this process (like I think about this daily) is that it won't end with our hearts desires being met in the way we imagine it.

So we have to continue to cry out to Him in faith during our times of trouble. Many times when I find myself feeling this way, I have to stop myself wherever I am at and just pray to God. I have to release my fears to him. I learned this in Secret Church last year in reference to Philippians 4:6-7..."PRAYER EXCHANGES ANXIETY FOR PEACE." WOW! God is already ready to listen, if we will take the time and have the faith to cast our fears on Him.

(And a side note, if you've never heard of Secret Church you should definitely look it up. It is coming THIS FRIDAY, the 24th.)

Psalm 107:28-31
Then they cry out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness.
And for his marvelous works to the children of men!

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 23
When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear NO evil;
For YOU are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.



Fear no more- Building 429
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cJFAGw3OaQ
I will fear no more- The Afters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBOpf-bArKs
Fear is a Liar- Zach Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1srs1YoTVzs
No Longer Slaves- Jonathan David
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8TkUMJtK5k

But WHY Are They?

     This is the first of the weekly post that will occur each Wednesday. All previous post share from the beginning of our story to where we are currently. Thank you for all the support! It means so much! 


First topic: Jealousy 

      So my husband and I are going through a Bible Study together (FamilyLife Bible Study for Couples), and a couple weeks ago we read about King Hezekiah in 2 Kings 19, and how he faced disaster at the hands of invading Assyria and turned to God for his rescue. What did God do? He erased the Assyrian threat. This is what really stuck out to me in our study, the authors had friends say this quote to them, "When you reach a very difficult time of testing in your family- What an awesome opportunity to see God work!" Wow! Do we go through difficult situations with this outlook? 

     After answering questions about this topic in our study book, we start discussing one thing that has made this journey hard...jealousy. 

     In a conversation with my husband after we finished our study, we were discussing how it seems like everyday we get on social media and BAM....someone else is announcing their pregnant. Through this discussion we talked about how it can be so hard to be excited for someone when they have what you want. Yes, it is hard. However, we can't compare where our lives are at to someone else's life. We have to stay focused on God! Stay focused on living a life that glorifies him in ALL circumstances! 

What does the Bible say about jealousy or wanting what others have? 

Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife; nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey; nor anything that is your neighbor's." 

Proverbs 6:34a For jealousy makes a man furious. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 

When we talk about jealousy, most just say "Oh, it is human nature." It is of the world that is for sure! Does jealousy show that we are not satisfied with what God has given us? I know that I am not anywhere near perfect, but jealousy is something I do struggle with. I think it mostly just comes from not understanding our own situation, that we look at others and desire what they have. With the Holy Spirit guiding us, we must be a light of love even in hard situations. Love does not envy. 

Dear God, 

  Thank you for being love. Thank you for teaching us what love is through your scripture. It is so overwhelming sometimes to think of the unfailing, everlasting love you have for us. Thank you for your grace that picks us back up when we fall. I pray for all who are facing jealousy, no matter what situation it is coming from; infertility, marriage, lust, addiction, family, etc. I pray for their heart to be renewed in the Holy Spirit! AMEN

March 17th, 2020

Well our journey doesn’t quite unfold like I imagined it would on this day. Another negative pregnancy test, another heartbreaking phone call, a call that I have to make to my husband to let him know that once again, my body said NO & God said NOT YET.

On this particular day I took the time to look up scriptures and pray them. Even though it is so hard, I HAVE to continue to trust in God’s plan. If I don’t then, why do we continue this anyways? God’s hope gives us a chance, HIS plan is greater than anything we can imagine. However, I feel so ridiculous today for believing it was going to be different today. We can continue to ask why, however, the answer could just lie in that it is not God’s timing. All we can do is pray! 

 Dear God, 

   I pray as we have this really hard emotional day that you would just rest our hearts Lord. Help us to continue to trust in you when it is hard. Help us to continue growing closer to you. As I just listened to this song, Lord, I want to pray these words; That even if you DON'T my hope is in you alone! I could pray this over and over Lord. I feel as if my heart is just wandering for your will today. Help me to continue to see the good out of this story, and how influential it could possibly be for others! I pray that one day, our story will touch and help other people who are going through the same things we are Lord. James 1:17 tells us that “every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Heavenly Father, who does not change like the shifting shadows.” We know that you can provide! Help us to remember this ALWAYS! Lord, help us to 100 percent believe in what we are asking. I know sometimes that after all we’ve been through it can be a struggle to be all in believing. In Mark throughout two different stories, you tell us that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE WITH GOD (Mk 10:27) and that “whatever thing we ask when we pray, believe that we will receive them, and we will have them” (Mk 11:24). I pray for my husband. He may not show his emotions as I do, but however, I know that he is struggling just as much as I am. He is being so strong for our family, and it means the world to me. I pray that he wouldn’t be afraid to express true emotions to you and with me. I pray he will continue to grow towards you Lord. I am so thankful for the small transformation I have already seen, it has been wonderful! Help him to love you more and more each day! I ask all these things in Jesus name, Amen!

All the Questions...And another round

What questions do we have to ask the doctor?

• IVF?
• Affordable IVF?
• Cost?
• Insurance coverage?
• Other options?

Did you know that 1 in 8 women suffer with infertility? Why in the world would it not be part of our insurance? CRAZY...

We ask questions, we get answers we aren't sure about. So the beginning cost of IVF is at least $12,000. $12,000 minimum. That option is out.

So the doctor wants us to try to switch to just using shots with higher dosage (instead of taking meds first, then shots). There are a lot of possible negative side effects with doing this. IT SCARED me listening to the nurse and everything she was telling us. However, the doctor recommended it, and we decided to go for it!

So here we go, another round approaches us! We are praying hard for the side effects to not happen! We call the doctor on a Monday, they are swamped with appointments. So I make an appointment for Tuesday. Tuesday's appointment reveals a small cyst (nothing to worry about this time). We can do the medicines and another IUI this month. We are so excited and feeling confident that this is going to make a difference! So I have to go back to the doctor Friday, not quite ready. Go back Monday, not quite ready. Go back Tuesday, finally ready!!!!!

This is a prayer I wrote in the middle of all these doctor days: 

Dear Lord, I want to thank you first for this opportunity you have given Brandon and I to grow closer to you and to each other. It feels weird saying that Lord, but I know that at the end of this situation, no matter what it is, Brandon and I will be closer to each other and you because of it. I pray, Lord, that our hearts desires are in your plan! I pray that you would fill Brandon up with hope, with patience, with understanding, and strength as maybe he has been feeling distant from you lately. I pray that you’d help me to get over this feeling of it’s all my fault. Help me to release these feelings to you, Lord. I pray for tomorrow’s appointment(MONDAY), that it will be as it is supposed to; that the potential eggs would have grown, that I can continue with the medicine, and hopefully have an IUI next week! We release the control to YOU! Because only YOU can determine our path in life and give us our identity! AMEN!

IUI happens Thursday, March 5th. Pregnancy Test will be Tuesday, March 17th.

Monday, March 16th Journal Entry:

Today is Monday, the Monday before we find out our news! Are we pregnant or are we going to continue to wait on the timing God will hopefully bless us with? I feel so anxious, but so excited at the same time because of feeling like things are falling into place with Brandon and I spiritually. I know that we are not a perfect couple, but these past couple of months have been a time of growing---growing towards God and each other! It is such a great feeling and I hope it continues throughout our entire lives as we grow our family and continue to learn more about each other everyday! I’ll be back typing tomorrow to see how this chapter of our journey unfolds!

Next Day:

Next post...

HOPE

Hope is an anchor for the soul; both sure and steadfast. Hebrews 6:19

How do we have 100 percent hope in Jesus? How do we get to that point where we turn everything over to Him in complete surrender? Is it easy? What would 100 percent surrender look like?

Romans 5:1-5

"Therefore, having been justified through faith, we have peach with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in ope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Romans 8:28

"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes."

Romans 15: 4-6

"For whatever things were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Jesus Christ, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

LIVE STRONG: 1. WITH THE CROSS IN VIEW 2. To ENDURE 3. For ENCOURAGEMENT

My Prayer: "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." AMEN! Romans 15:13

As our story continues, I mention hope because we have many people telling us not to lose hope. Do these people know how I feel? Do they know my struggles? Do they know what I've been through. So Brandon and I discuss our options- we decided to give it one more round, but to go ahead and schedule another video conference with the doctor.

Our video conference was scheduled for February 10th. We made a list of questions that we needed to ask the doctor at the appointment. Well... the next round leads to more tears (TWO cysts even bigger than the last time), more questions, more of not understanding, but more of trusting in God's timing! If we don't believe in the hope and trust of God's timing- why are we doing all this? One wonderful thing that has come out of it so far is that my husband and I have been reading scripture and praying together more frequently over the past 4-5 months! And all I can say is thank you to God for us growing together now more than we ever have.



By the way... HAPPY EASTER! HE IS RISEN!

All the Emotions

What was the next step after our video conference: To call once my cycle started again. So late November, I called, an appointment was made, an ultrasound was done. "I'm sorry you can't go through treatment this month." My eyes water as I process what was just said to me. Why? I had a 3.5cm cyst sitting on my right ovary. I cried walking out of the doctor's office, because to me this didn't make any kind of sense. I literally just had surgery five weeks ago, and the doctor did not mention anything about a cyst. "You'll just have to call when you start again."

Late December, here we are again. My prayer for this whole month has been that the cyst dissolved on its own and we will have an opportunity to do treatments! One prayer was answered...the cyst had dissolved, and I was so excited for that news! So meds, shots, and shots again.

I also want to give a HUGE shoutout to my parents who have helped us financially through several of these cycles!

In January, we have the IUI, two weeks later, the dreaded voicemail arrives. "We are so sorry Mrs. Owens, but your test was negative for this cycle. Please call us again when you've started your cycle." I couldn't even cry. I was SO MAD! All I wanted was another chance? Was that too much to ask? Was it?

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil" Psalm 37:8

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27

Prayer from Longing for Motherhood: "Jesus, today all of my pain is turning into anger...again. I confess at times I have directed that anger towards my family, my friends, and even toward You. Forgive me. Help me to overcome this terrible emotion so that it will not turn into bitterness and cause me to sin. Please soften my heart and help me to trust in Your unfailing love."

WOAH...this prayer was perfect for that time. I was taking my anger out on others, including God, but I needed to release it to Him!

Don't be afraid to hide all your emotions from God. He already knows them. Pray for him to release the fears and overcome what you are feeling! TRUST IN HIM!

Home Sweet Home (Montgomery's Doctor's Office)

Do you ever feel like you have a second home? I used to think it was my work, but after this past year...it's the doctor's office. 

After our appointment in May, we decide to try a round of the medicine (pills/shots) without doing the IUI. 

1. June- unsuccessful
2. July- unsuccessful
3. August- unsuccessful IUI 
4. September- unsuccessful IUI 

All of the negative test results were just drowning us mentally. 

September is when I started reading the book It's Not Supposed to Be This Way. Even though this book isn't centered around fertility, it is centered on our life struggles and disappointments--the things that we could have never predicted would happen in our lives. I highly recommend reading it. It even has a Group Bible study that goes along with it. So if you have the opportunity to read it with a group, meet, and discuss it, I bet it would be even more powerful! 

Next step, Video conference with our doctor in Birmingham. 
Decision: Katey is going to have surgery to correct the blocked fallopian tube. 
How did I feel: Scared to DEATH! But I knew it had to be done! This was supposed to be a last option, but it is what we came too. 

Surgery: 
In October 2019, I have the surgery. Does it turn out like we think? NOPE! Again, God's plan is GREATER! The results were in and I was diagnosed with endometriosis. And guess what? My tube...was not blocked. The endometriosis build up was removed during surgery. I was informed of everything as soon as I came back to the room out of recovery. I remember trying to hold back the tears, but that didn't work to well with all of the medicine I had consumed. My husband was so comforting, and reassuring me that everything was going to be ok. 

However, I was at the point again- All I wanted to do was question God. Why? Why? Why us? Why him? Why do we keep getting more news that is not helping us be where we are supposed to be? Is this even in your plan, Lord? I pray it is Lord, for his sake. Not for me Lord, but for him! 

My verse I turn to the most: 
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Psalm 46:10  

What does it mean to be still? I think it is constantly telling me to take a step back, be patient, listen, and remember WHO GOD IS! Let's quote a popular song... "You are way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, MY GOD THAT IS WHO YOU ARE."

Are you confident in who God is? My answer to this is yes, but when life brings us through struggles we have to remember what we've learned and put it into practice!

Be Doers James 1:22

God's Plan > Our Plan

As the doctor says, after a year of trying is when most couples go through different
tests to see if something is preventing you from getting pregnant. January 2019 - HSG
is scheduled and an analysis for my husband. An HSG is a procedure they perform to
see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. The procedure and test both give us results that
we don’t like. Results that gave us a reason for the set back. Results that we knew could
possibly prevent us from ever having children naturally. 

At this point, our prayer life had become all about extending our family. I remember questioning whether or not that was even ok in God's eyes? We had turned every opportunity into praying about us...but this journey isn't about just us. I was and am still thankful for our support system: family, friends, church family. I knew they were praying for us as well. But I still felt guilty about being selfish in my prayers. God tells us in many places in the Bible to ask and we shall receive. What did that really mean though? It took a long time for me to understand. Do you think if I asked God for 1 million dollars he would give it to me? We shall receive what we ask for if it is in alignment with God's plan and purpose for our lives. So our prayers changed...Let thy will be done!

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

We attempted naturally for a few more months will vitamins, and other things we were told could help.

Our journey took a turn to ART Fertility Clinic in May 2019. Driving two hours for a doctors
appointment, waiting over an hour to see the doctor, having to do more tests, and other
things while we are there. We made a plan with the doctor.

PLAN: Katey takes medicine, and gives herself shots (Terrible, right?), and then an IUI will be done.

The REAL question...is this God's plan?

The beginning...

    My husband and I started dating in September of 2013, got engaged in September 2014, and got married in June 2015! 

   Let's fast forward a couple years...

   In December 2017, my husband and I decided that we were ready to try to start a family! I had never wanted kids growing up because thinking about my body going through the pregnancy was terrifying. (I was probably the only person that ever felt this way). I had a heart for adoption, and if you knew me, you knew I wanted to adopt from a foreign country. I wanted to give a child a home that otherwise wouldn’t have one. Well things change with marriage. Did you know that? As we grew our relationship, my heart changed. My heart changed in the fact that I wanted to physically have a child. Not for me, but for us! What a great dad he was going to be one day! 

A little background about myself...

I have a blood disorder called Factor V, and the doctors advised me not to take birth control (I found all this out in 2013). So A couple of months before we got married, I decided to have an IUD done. This obviously is the equivalent of birth control with least amount of hormones. So, December 2017, I get the IUD taken out.

After many negative pregnancy tests, before we knew it, it was December 2018. A year of trying, a year of being unsuccessful. I struggled with my faith so much during this time. We both did. Why would this desire be on our hearts if it was never going to happen? Or would the original desire my heart had as a teenager be the way we had to have a child? Until we went through all of this, I never even told my husband about my thoughts as a teenager...and he was pretty shocked that I felt that away especially since I already knew my passion for kids and that I was going to be a teacher.