Not what we expected..

A combination of what we experienced over August...

(This written as we experienced it) 

On August 5th, I made the announcement that I was going to be taking a break from social media and the blog. Here is the story & reason why I made that announcement.

It didn't go as expected...may be TMI for some, I apologize, but I want to be completely open. 

That Wednesday morning, I went into the doctor to get my blood pregnancy test done. Now unfortunately, they don't give you the answer right away you have to wait until that afternoon when they call you. I wait around all day nervous/anxious/praying and am just trying to stay positive because we had such good numbers this round, like almost perfect! As you saw in the previous post every prayer was getting answered. 

2:30PM the phone rings: caller ID: Birmingham ART. 

Well, the nurse asks my a question first. She wants to know when I took my trigger shot. I reply, "on July 23rd." Her reply, "Well your test came back negative, but I think they scheduled your test too early. So it is very small chance that the result would change, but can you come in Friday for another blood test." I told the nurse I was not going back to that office. She told me if I didn't start by Saturday to take an at home test. I am thinking in the back of head, I'll probably start before then. 

So Thursday goes by, Friday, and then we got to Saturday. Well, I guess I'll take a test just in case. Y'ALL, I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING! There was a super faded positive line on the test. I didn't freak out yet. I waited until Sunday, took another "cheap" test and I still saw the line. So I leave at 8:00 to go to CVS when it opens to get a first response. The first response is POSITIVE. All I could do was yell for Brandon and cry happy tears. I think I cried for a good 30 minutes, and after I cleaned my face up, we had to give the glory to God. We stood in awe praying and praising Him for the miracle He had provided to us! 

Sunday afternoon comes, and I cramp and start like I am starting my cycle. This scares me and Brandon half to death. As we consulted a friend, she said it could be nothing, but it could be a chemical pregnancy. I literally cried in the bedroom for a couple hours, and eventually cried myself to sleep. Thankfully Brandon was right with me, in and out checking on me, as He doesn't show all the emotion that I do. 

Wake up Monday morning, take another test, still POSITIVE. I pray, telling God, He is in control and that I know He is a miracle worker! I call ART Montgomery to make an appointment. I call and make the appointment to get my blood work checked again. 

12:30 PM ART Montgomery calls...You're test is POSITIVE! However, your progesterone level is really low and you have to come in to take a shot. I said, "Are you serious?" She said "yes, can you come to the office." I said, "I am on my way!"

Called Brandon, told him. He was so excited! 

I get there, and they are like we have to get your progesterone level up quick! So, I take a shot, and will have to continue to take them for now until my level rises. 

So I just got off of the phone with the doctor in Birmingham (August 12). He is really concerned about my levels. He says they are starting super low and they need to rise fast. We are praying that they'll be exactly where they are supposed to be when I get checked tomorrow for my BETA (HCG) and progesterone level! 

DEAR GOD, 

There is NOTHING better than YOU, there is NOTHING better than YOU, there is NOTHING, NOTHING better than you, and I KNOW IT'S TRUE! YOU ARE THE GOD OF THE MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. THERE ISN'T A PLACE THAT YOUR MERCY AND GRACE WON'T FIND ME AGAIN! THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN YOU!  

YOU TURN MOURNING INTO DANCING...YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN! YOU TURN GRAVES INTO GARDENS...YOU TURN SEAS INTO HIGHWAYS, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN! 

Thank you Lord for being better than everything! Thank you for being right beside us in this whole journey! There is nothing you can't do! We believe it and pray for the numbers to rise tomorrow at the doctor's appointment! You are the only one who can! 

In Jesus Name, Amen 

August 13 comes:

I have never been more heartbroken in my entire life. How could this have happened? I blamed myself for a few days, just feeling as if everything was all my fault. I go to the doctor that morning to get my blood work done. I already have a bad feeling all morning about it. 1:30, phone rings, Montgomery ART. Your BETA has gone back to zero. We had miscarried. I get off the phone, call Brandon immediately, just crying my eyes out so hard (And I'm at work while this is happening). He didn't even have to ask, he knew what was wrong. How could God have let this happen to us? We were so heartbroken beyond explanation, as our first child was no longer a growing part of us. I cried most of the afternoon, again when I got home from work, again when Brandon got home from work. I don't think I have ever been so devastated. 

I'm so thankful for my coworkers that let me cry in their room as I tried so hard to hold back the tears. One coworker, tells me about how she went through the same thing not too long ago. She gave me a mustard seed, something they had made at church, that was just what I needed in that moment. 

3 Weeks later...

I'm so thankful for family and friends that have been checking on us since this day. We didn't tell very many people about everything. It hurt so much just to tell the people we did tell. 

All I can do is ask for your prayers. As some days, we feel completely fine and others we see or hear things that bring back up all the emotions from the miscarriage. 

We patiently wait to see what the Lord has in store for us! God is good all the time even when we are hurting! 

A group that I am apart of one facebook posted this song today and I felt like it as perfect to share with everything that has been going on with us. Because of God's hope and love we are going to be ok! We are praying for a rainbow baby in God's timing! I pray it is sooner, rather than later. 

Into the Sea (It's gonna be ok) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=24&v=PPODQDOk5EQ&feature=emb_logo&fbclid=IwAR2vlCgMsHG1-n6uAId25MA8nMayRPpjqLQbdCZQBaoSBq4pMr4Xp0RGALs

As we heal from this loss, I am reminded of a popular scripture and the notes that I have in my Bible beside it from a sermon from McLean Bible Church earlier this year.  

Psalm 23: 

The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul, He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and staff they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

The Lord 1. satisfies my wants 2. gives me rest 3. leads my path 4. restores my soul 5. removes my fears with His presence 6. comforts me with His provision 7. serves me 8. Honors me 9. Pursues me 10. Guarantees my eternity with Him. 

AMEN! 

4 weeks later...

I still haven't made this post yet. I keep typing something each week thinking I am ready to share, but the truth is it still hurts and will probably continue to hurt for a while. 

We are so glad August is finally gone. August brought a miscarriage, my car being hit, crazy stress with moving, lots of negative thoughts, doubt, tears and then school starting virtually...

August brought a new home, knowing it is possible for us to pregnant, more and more of God's grace, and His unfailing love for us! 

And He gives grace generously. As the scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:6-7

5 weeks later...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek HIS will in all you do, and HE will show you which path to take. Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones. Proverbs 3:4-8 NLT

For Everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NLT 

In the Wayfinding Bible (NLT) it has observation points and exploration points that it points out about the history or meaning behind verses. In speaks about how the poem in structured and makes a circle around the things that happen in life. The big point it makes it that "all of these things are outside of human control."  

But God! 

Announcement

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the prayers, but after the not so best day today, I've decided to take a break from the blog and social media. 

Thank you all for reading. I'll get you back updated soon! And by then we will probably be in our new house! 

Love, Katey 

Praying constantly 🙏

Good Evening! 

So many of you know we've been house hunting these past few weeks! Well we think we finally found a potential! Asking for prayers for that too!! 

In fertility news, went to the doctor today to get some levels checked and everything looks great! We are still praying for success with this round as we won't know the results until a later date! Thank you prayer warriors for being along side us! If only you knew how much it is appreciated 💕

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 

Romans 12:12

Answering prayers

Prayer #1- no cyst ✔️ answered

Prayer #2- growth ✔️ answered

Prayer #3 - success 

I went back to the doctor today to check for growth of eggs (mature follicles)! I don't want to get too much into details, but let's just say this time we had a "good problem." What I mean by that is we had multiple grow! Like what? Only a God thing! So tonight I give you an update on our story and the next part that we are praying for....success! Our IUI will either be Friday or Sunday depending on tomorrow's appointment. Thank you to all who interceded on our behalf in prayer! We are so thankful for the support and prayers from our friends and family!!!  

Dear Lord, 

Tonight we thank you again for another answered prayer! We praise you for the growth seen at the doctor's appointment today! We thank you for everything happening with the house being under contract as well! I pray for our hearts as we are trying to be as positive as possible with everything that is going on with treatments this round! We pray for success and put it all in your hands! 

Amen 

Sometimes we are hesitant in believing God will answer our prayers, but God is our hope and He has a perfect plan! BELIEVE IT!! 

One prayer at a time

Just a story update and prayer request in today: 

I was finally able to go to the doctor yesterday!!! As we go through this process each time we really try to focus on praying step by step. First prayer, as I shared a couple of weeks ago, was that I wouldn't have any cyst at my appointment! Guess what?? I had no cyst!

So our next step prayer is for multiple follicles to grow!! I return to the doctor next Monday to check progress of the growth. Last time we did this same type of medicine($1,000 worth), I had to take the medicine for like 3 extra days so I kept having to go back to the doctor every morning!! So praying for growth and that I'll be ready Monday! 

Psalm 9:1 

I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart! I will tell of all Your marvelous works. 

Dead God, 

We thank you for answered prayers even when they feel small! Thank you for listening to our heart cries and desires each time we reach out to you! I pray you'd continue to watch over us as we go through the medicine, help many follicles/eggs to grow! Praying for others that are in this same process right now! Praying for strength, hope, and grace upon grace! Thank you for loving us! Amen. 

Waiting again...

Story Update: 

So last week I shared that I thought I would be going to the doctor. Well it hasn't happened yet. So I find myself in a different kind of waiting. 

Do you ever feel like you take a step of faith and then end up in complete disappointment? Then you go back and think maybe it wasn't the right step to take at that time? I even feel wrong for asking those questions..

I waited until today purposefully to write my post for this week to see what the result would be today. Today was hard. Today was another day, that I thought I believed deeply that a miracle could happen, but I am just reminded by God that the answer it not yet. 

So, right now I am so thankful for my small group of friends that I am doing a Bible Study with. It is one of the highlights of my week each time! We just finished week 3 of Everyday Theology by Mary Wiley (Random fact: Mary was one of my DNow leaders when I was a teenager and her mom was my geometry, pre-cal, and calculus teacher in high school). This past week was all about Jesus the Son, and all the prophecies and promises He fulfilled in scripture. We discussed how Jesus was seen a prophet, priest, and king based on His actions. One of the questions ask how has Jesus been a prophet, priest, and king in your life? As we go through this struggle of infertility, I have to remember how wonderful God/Jesus has been to us in different parts of our life and what great things are coming out of this struggle. It has just been really tough today unfortunately. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

Promises- Maverick City Music 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5m09rqOoxE

Dear God, 

   I pray that as I struggle today, that I would continue to praise you in the waiting process. I pray for strength and continued guidance throughout our journey. I pray for others that are going through similar situations. I pray that would love and follow you with everything they have, and Lord if they begin to doubt that they'd be reminded of your everlasting love for them just as I was today. Thank you for being our Savior and dying so we could live! I pray for whenever the doctor's appointment does come, we will continue to show our faith in you through every step! In Jesus Name, Amen. 

This is my story, this is my song

The Story I'll Tell

This morning, I was reading through a page I follow, I came across this beautiful song! And decided to change today's topic. The lyrics of the first verse really spoke to me and our situation. They say: 

"The hour is dark 

And it’s hard to see 

What you are doin’

Here in the ruins

And where this will lead

Oh but I know

That down through the years

I’ll look on this moment

See your hand on it

And know you were here"

We all have a story! We may or may not choose to share it with others ... A story of Jesus saving us, a story of hope, a story of a miracle, etc. We also have the stories that we don't enjoy talking about. Maybe it is the story of infertility, miscarriage, loss of a loved one, addiction, or others. The one story that remains the same God! We may not know or see what He is doing in the ruin, but he remains the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow: Holy, loving, all-powerful, all-knowing, always present, patient, selfless, and so much more! 

I recently watched Facing the Giants, a Kendrick Brother movie and one of my favorite quotes that doesn't just apply to football: "If we win we praise Him, if we lose we praise Him!" 

Do you believe that He is part of your story each and everyday even when you feel like you may be winning at life or losing at life? Are we telling His story too? #Godsnotdonewithyou

God's not done with you

Blessed Assurance

Story update: We will be heading back to the doctor this month. I haven't been doing well on the weight loss the past few weeks, but am down 15lbs. Prayers for no cyst at the appointment so we are able to try a new round of treatments. As always, thank you for your prayers and support.