Anything

Have you ever prayed to God that you would do ANYTHING to make something happen? or prayed that you would do ANYTHING for Him? Then you were presented with an opportunity that you didn't follow through? Maybe we didn't recognize that it was an opportunity from God, or maybe we ignored it because we thought there is no way God would ask me to do that?

I ask these questions to tell you all about a new book that I have started reading. The book is called Anything: The Prayer that Unlocked my God and my Soul by Jennie Allen. It was written in 2011. Allen is also the author of many books, but most recently, Get Out of Your Head. It is also on my list to read.  

I haven't finished Anything yet. Jennie tells the reader at the beginning about a prayer her and her husband prayed together. "God we will do anything." She says, "In saying anything, it meant we were handing Him everything." So far the book is telling about events that lead up to that point, and then will move on to how it changed their lives. I tell you all this because it has one part so far that I really would like to share with you. There is a part where she is in a brief conversation with a friend battling infertility and I related to it so well. 

She shares that her and her friend have lunch, and the friend battling with not getting pregnant shares that she is wrestling that God makes babies, but hasn't given them one yet. One question led to something much deeper. Jennie asked her "What's the hardest part?" Her friend's reply, "I just feel so different from everyone, from all my friends moving on with their lives." 

"This different feeling, this different path God had for her and her husband was extra difficult because it was different. She was hurting and felt alone in her life." 

All I could think of when I read this was that I have been there, had those feelings, and every once in a while they resurface. Infertility is a path that God has chosen for us, for some reason. Yes it is difficult and yes it different than most of our friends. But yes, it has brought my relationship with the Lord closer- yes, it has brought Brandon and I closer- yes, it has made us build friendships and relationships with people we would have not otherwise met. 

What is it about being normal or like everyone else? Let's just be what God created us to be! 

Jennie goes on to say, "What is it about norms, about sameness, that feels so good? There are of course rebels who would rather die that be the same as anyone else, but deep down most of us feel most safe, most at home, with people to whom we are similar." 

A lot of the times we have a hard time relating to most adults conversations. Why? Because what do most adults talk about... their kids or grandkids? Please do not take this as we don't want to here about your kids or grandkids, that's not it. I am just saying we don't have a way to relate to it, but we hope and pray that we can one day! We are so blessed that we are not alone on our journey. It felt lonely at first, but now it isn't. We have educated others, we have so many people praying for us, groups that we know we can talk to when times are rough, and so much more! 

Instead of just saying we will do anything, let's give him EVERYTHING! Surrender... what do you and I need to give over to Him today? 

Here are some more of the Promises of God's Word: 

The Lord hears you (Psalm 34:17) 

God will make you paths straight (Proverbs 3:6) 

You are under grace (Romans 6:14) 

You are chosen and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12) 

*No update on a decision this week. I think we are leaning towards going through another round of IVF. However, we are still praying and just wanting to feel peace with the decision. Thank you for all the prayers! 

Much Love, 

Katey & Brandon

Name Above the Grave

Finding Peace in the Storm

I hope and pray that everyone has had a great February and beginning of March. 

These past two months have been a lot of ups and downs, but I want to just share some updates with you all before I share about Finding Peace in the Storm. 

    I was honored to join a group from the ministry Blessed Brokenness. This group is for women who have or are going through infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss. It has been such a blessing in my life so far. All of the women in the group have different testimony's but our love for the Lord through this tough journey has brought us all together! I can't share anything specific from the group, but just wanted to ask you all to join me in prayer for this group of ladies and their families. 

     In February, I had the opportunity to lead our Journaling Small Group. When I first started blogging about this journey in March 2020, I shared the story of Jesus calming the storm. For our class, that is the scripture that I chose and made a little note portion for the points that I wanted to share. I also had never shared my testimony with this group of ladies, so I was able to do that by sharing this scripture. Here is picture of the journaling and the notes. Just ignore my handwriting and scribbles in the notes. 

   Brandon and I had our follow up appointment on March 7th. Honestly, the appointment did not tell us anything new other than the fact that if you do IVF a second time within a year you get a 15% discount. Now, this is a lot when it is expensive, but we were hoping and praying for some other news that might be helpful. It was recommended for us to do IVF again and we were expecting that to be said. I just ask for your prayers as we make a decision. Do we go through all of this again or turn to other options? As we are praying, I really just want to seek what God wants us to do! I don't want to jump into another round if I don't feel like God is leading us to it. The crazy part is, financially, even though we complain about it, we could probably handle another round. And help has already been offered by others to help us if we decide to go that route. Again, I just ask that if you are praying for us, to ask for us to have clarity about what decision to make. That is really where we are in the fertility journey. 

   Also, if you know me well, you know that I LOVE VBS! I was asked to assist on the Montgomery Baptist Associational Team again to teach about Backyard Kids Club! Then I also got ask to be a big part of the planning for Journey's VBS as well! It is a big difference in how I have planned in the past, but I am looking forward to it so much! 

___________________________________________________

    So, I have had people ask me how we have been after going through everything with the transfer.. and a month ago I would have told you that I was still struggling. I wasn't necessarily angry, I just was at a place of not understanding and it made it really hard. But the past few weeks, I have really been in a good place. I honestly am at peace with everything that happened and am ready to move forward with whatever we decide. Does that mean that the pain isn't still there occasionally? No. It means that I am relying on God and finding peace in the great plan that He has for us. I've said it since the beginning that I don't know what God's exact plan is for us, but I know that this journey is supposed to be used for His Glory no matter the outcome. I got to this place of peace just by drawing closer to Him. The book I just finished in one of my other groups is called A Confident Heart. It is about leaning into God's promises, who He says He is, and who He says we are! Then in my BB group last night, our leader gave us a sheet with 100 Promises of God from His Word, and it was like this all came together at perfect timing! I also want to share it with you all as well! 

Here are some of these promises that I have had to remember through this journey! I really want to focus on these promises the next few months - on learning them and hiding them in my heart! 

1. The Lord will fight for you. (Ex 14:14) 

12. You have review grace and peace. (Philemon 1:3)

22. God is good. (Psalm 145:9) 

38. God works for my GOOD. (Romans 8:28) 

67. Jesus will give you rest. (Matt. 11:28) 

91. God will finish the work he began in me (Phil 1:6) 

Dear God, 

  We just thank you so much for what you are doing in our lives! I pray that as we continue to seek you in our decision, that we are patient and have our ears open to hear and listen to you. I thank you for all the supportive people we have in our lives. It is such a blessing to have those people surround us in love and in prayers. We love you! Amen

If you haven't heard this song, please listen to it. It is beautiful about how powerful it is when we pray for each other in Jesus Name! With Him all things are possible! 

In Jesus Name - Katy Nichole

  

FET Diary Part 2

If you didn't read part 1, please go back and read it before you start this one. 

https://ourjourneywithgodinfertilityandlife.blogspot.com/2022/01/fet-diary-part-1.html 

 January 14th

Well today is day after transfer! Everything went perfect yesterday! The worst part of the whole procedure is having to hold your bladder until after it is over. If you know me well enough, this is a difficult task. 

Yesterday, I took a good nap after getting home. Today, I've just been trying to take it easy. 

January 20th 

Today is the day before our HCG test! I have restrained from taking any home test. So that's a great thing. 

Current symptoms: cramping, sniffles (cold), and super exhausted. I have been in the bed by 8 each night this week. I normally am a grandma, but not that much of one! Here is to tomorrow! Let's see what God has in store! 

January 21st

God has some great things in store. After I came home from getting my bloodwork done at 7AM, I asked Brandon where he hid the pregnancy test that we had at the house. Y'all will never guess where he hid them: UNDER THE COUCH. Goodness gracious. 

Just in case you can't tell what that digital pregnancy test...it says

PREGNANT! 

Dear God, 

The excitement in my heart is so great! I cannot thank you enough for your timing, and for the resources we were given to make this happen! We thank you for this great gift! We pray our little one continues to grow Lord! Continues to grow into a healthy girl or boy! Thank you again for your faithfulness, and forgive us for when we have doubted you! AMEN

I heard back from the doctor's office around 1:45. My estrogen and progesterone were perfect. My HCG was borderline. Meaning, I am pregnant, but it is low. Yes, this is scary, but I asked the nurse to be honest with me. She said that because my estrogen and progesterone were at really good levels that she more than likely thought it would rise. But that it was also possible for it not to rise. So I am set to go back to AFS on Monday to do another blood draw. Here are the pictures from telling Brandon! 

We decided to go ahead and let our parents know that we are pregnant! It felt like the right thing to go ahead and do because we have so many people that have been invested in our journey! Right now the plan is to tell them, my sister's family, and a few other close people. Here is us telling my mom and dad! 

You can't read the picture very well backwards, but it says, "Promoted from dog grandparents to human grandparents, Coming Sept/Oct 2022!" 

We told Brandon's parents by giving them the same frame! We just didn't get a picture. 

January 22nd: 

We decided to go ahead and tell my sister and her family! Now, why did we share this so early with our parents and my sister? Well to be honest, when you've been going through this for as long as we have you usually get bad news more often, and to get this news was the BEST! We are confident in what is to come on Monday! We just pray it is all in God's plan. 

January 24th:

Today is the day. The day we've waited patiently for all weekend! 

2:00PM 

AFS calls, "do you have time to go over your results?" My heart dropped. "Katey, I'm sorry, but your HCG has dropped since Friday. Go ahead and stop all your meds, and the Birmingham office will call to set up your follow-up appointment." All I could say was ok. Thankfully one of my coworkers just happened to be in the room with me, and I just cried on her shoulder. Then my other coworker comes in and I cry on her too. These two have been with me for this journey, just praying and always checking on me. I am so thankful for Ms. Phillips and Mrs. Bruce! I honestly don't know what I would do at work without these two! My heart is just so broken and the thought of calling Brandon makes me sick because once again my body wouldn't produce what he (and I) have been longing for. I call Brandon and my words just couldn't even come out. All I could say was my level dropped and they told me to stop taking my medicine. 

After I got off the phone with Brandon, all I could do was quote my mentoring groups Bible verses over and over to myself. I sat at my computer at school and just cried and cried until it was time to go home. 

Next, was mom. Oh, and I just knew that I was going to have a hard time telling her too. And I did. I got it out, and then I asked her if she would let dad, my sister, and my cousin, Kellie know because I couldn't make another phone call. I couldn't voice it again. 

Once again, we went from a positive to a negative so quickly. 

Memory Verse for Dec/Jan: Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work, so you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 

What's next? We don't know. And I politely ask that if you see us out and about please don't ask us. We have a follow up appointment on Monday, March 7th. 

Now to box up all the meds, all the announcement things, etc... 

It may be a little while before I write again, but I'll end with a prayer because God will get us through somehow. 

Dear God, 

I am not quite sure what to say. I am not quite sure why we are in this position. I just pray that you help us make it through it. We are so thankful for the things you have done in the waiting, Lord. I just pray for you to wrap your arms around us as we move forward! Amen

January 25th:

Last night was tough. It was like Brandon and I couldn't even find the right things to say to each other. Over and over again, it was just we don't understand and I'm sorry. I cried a little bit more. And then I woke up in the middle of the night..crying and I could not go back to sleep. Were we too confident in this process after Friday? Should we have been more cautious? Should we have not been excited? Should we have not shared with others? I am not sure. All of this just hurts so much, and I don't even know what to say. 

As this will for sure be the last post in part 2, I just ask that you pray with us and for us! For those that aren't sure how you can help because you don't know what this is like, I'll refer you to a previous blog post called: How to support my friend going through infertility 

Love you all and thank you for supporting us in our journey! 

Brandon and Katey 

FET Diary, Part 1

Sunday, December 26th: 

 Brandon and I hope that you had a very merry Christmas! 

Over the break, Christmas brought more than just celebrating Jesus, family time, presents, etc.... it also brought my cycle 10-12 days earlier than normal. I'm so thankful to have friends at the fertility office that I can ask questions too. Today's hope is that I can get into the doctor either tomorrow or Tuesday. Then we will go from there. If I calculated correctly, our FET would fall around January 13th-ish. Again, not sure how everything will fall because of the holidays, but we are excited this has finally come around! 

Dear God, 

Today I pray that this is your timing, and it is your will Lord! Help guide us through the process as it can take a toll on both of us. I pray that we seek you in all decisions made, and that we continue to be each other's rocks as we start this all over again! Thank you for what you have done for us in 2021, and we look forward to seeing you move in our lives in 2022. AMEN. 

Tuesday December 28th: 

I was able to go to the doctor today, and my ultrasound looked great! 

I did have to get my thyroid rechecked today, and that could play a big factor in whether or not move forward with the FET. My bloodwork came back great! No problems, except my thyroid is still a little elevated, but not too much. My medicine is just being adjusted for it. So we officially are scheduled for January 13th at 2:00PM for our FET!!!!  

Medicines for now: Thyroid, lovenox shot, estrogen, daily vitamin, folic acid, and eventually we will add the progesterone in oil shot (the terrible ones). But we have to do what it takes! We are just so excited to be moving forward in the process. I go back to the doctor for a check on Thursday, January 6th. 

Dear God, 

We thank you for good results and levels today! We pray that as we continue we will get results necessary to move forward with each step Lord. Thank you for not letting us walk alone Lord. We know you are with us always! AMEN 

Tuesday January 4th: Happy New Year!

Over the past few days, we've had some really great things happen! First, we received our bill for the transfer...and I know you are thinking, why is this great? It is great because it is around $2,000 less than we were expecting to pay! YAY! The second thing, is after reflecting on the first thing, I had this crazy feeling and I am not really sure how to explain it. I was doing my Bible Study yesterday and a voice popped in my head that Brandon and I needed to gift someone with part of the difference from what we expected to pay. I was like, did I really just hear/think that? Well after talking to a co-worker about it, she was so supportive just saying that it was definitely meant to be. Brandon and I have been so blessed with financial support throughout this process. Between us and the people who have given - at least $25,000 has been spent during our journey.  So, how are we going to gift this money? I am not sure. We have a couple in mind that we might give it to or we might just do it randomly through the fertility office. Not sure yet! I am not telling you all this to take the glory either, I just really want to follow what I believe my heart and God is telling us to do! 

Thursday January 6th: 

Today was appointment day. This morning my ultrasound went really well. Throughout the day today, I had to speak with insurance multiple times about the progesterone in oil shots. Apparently my insurance will let me order one time through a normal pharmacy, but then it has to be sent to a specialty pharmacy. I called the doctor's office and left a message for the nurse, but I have heard anything back yet as of 2:30. I am also waiting to hear back about blood work from this morning. Blood work came back great! So we are one step closer to the transfer! One week to go! 

Saturday January 8th: 

Today we started progesterone shots. This is one of the worst things, in my opinion. However, I just have to remind myself that I have to do! The funny part about it is, is that I have to take these shots at exactly 10AM everyday. So, while at church, while at work, while Brandon is working.... Good thing I have some really great people in my corner that I trust to give me these shots! 

Dear God, 

I thank you that we were able to move to the next spot in the process! We thank you for blessing us financially, and for putting on our hearts to give! We ask that it is blessed as it is given to such a worthy couple Lord! We pray that we continue to follow and trust in you as we go through the next step! We pray for our precious embryo to thaw perfectly and be ready for transfer when we get there! We love you! Amen! 

Monday January 10th:

Well today, I had to give the progesterone shot to myself for the first time. It was not fun, but at least today was a day for my dominate side. 

We are counting down the days! Only 3 more to go until we are PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)! And it is CRAZY exciting to think we will know on January 21st! 

Dear God, as we go through this week, we thank you for getting us here! We are so grateful for our friends and family who have been praying for us. We pray that you continue to keep us stress free, and that the devil would flee with his negativity. AMEN

Tuesday January 11th: 

 2 days until PUPO! 10 days until test day!

Wednesday January 12th: 

1 day until PUPO! 9 days until test day!

Please be praying that everything goes as planned and that it is in God's plan for this to work out! 

Part 2 will come soon! 

Reflecting on 2021- the Battle of Infertility

2021 was a hard year, but God was right beside us through the ups and downs of not only our fertility journey, but in our everyday lives too. 

I feel like it is important to recognize that even though the results didn't turn out like we prayed, that God had other BIG things happen in our life! This is a reflection of our journey just through 2021.  As hard all of this was, it has led us to where we are now. An update on all of that will come soon! 

January - Fundraising for IVF

               - IVF Consultation 

February - Fundraising for IVF

               - Blessed with all funds needed for IVF 

March- Baseline appointment for IVF

           -HSG Test for the 3rd & 4th time 

           - diagnosed with hypothyroidism

April - Hematologist appointment 

          - Factor V confirmation (was originally tested in 2015) 

          - diagnosed with low iron 

May - Baseline #2 for IVF 

June - Birth Control 

        - Saline Ultrasound Procedure 

July - STIMS & lots of other medicines

        - Egg Retrieval

        - Fresh Transfer of 2 embryos, 1 frozen 

August - Failed Transfer 

             - one year mark of our miscarriage 

September - Follow-up appointment with the fertility doctor

October  - ERA biopsy 

              - Fundraising for FET 

November - ERA results: receiving level 

December - Baseline appointment for FET (frozen transfer) 

                  - Thyroid medicine adjusted 

                  - 4 year mark of facing infertility 

Some big positives that happened over 2021: 

-finished my 3rd year at JSE & began my 4th

- We joined Journey Church in February! 

- Started serving in the Children's Ministry with some awesome people! 

- Brandon and I joined mentoring groups & a small group! 

-Every penny that was needed was provided for our fertility journey (past and current)! 

-Continuing to share our testimony has been a HUGE blessing!

-Our faith continues to grow each and every day! 

-Celebrated 6 years of marriage!

-These are only some, but are big ones in our book!

Happy New Year to everyone! Love y'all!

-Brandon and Katey 

Lessons Learned - Brandon's Perspective

When I first started sharing about things I've learned during this journey, I asked Brandon if he would be willing to share from his perspective for the last one. 

Here is what he shared with me: 

1. We are never alone

2. Keep the faith

3. Trust God is in control

We are never alone. God is walking with us. Through this journey we have also met others who are going through the same struggle. I hope ones who have read the blog have a rock they can lean on in their times of trouble as Katey and I have been able to lean on each other. 

Keeping the faith in our struggle has been hard. We don't understand. We get easily discouraged. Our faith has to be at the forefront so we have the strength to continue. 

Trusting God's timing can be so hard too. We live in a place where if we want something we just try to go make it happen. In our case we can't. Only God can! 

Psalm 18:2

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; 

My God is my Rock, where I seek refuge; 

My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 

Lessons Learned from Infertility #3 & #4

I did not post #3 last week. This week 3 and 4 are posted together. Here we go: Lessons learned continued...

#3. To let our struggle be a part of our testimony. 

#4. Delay doesn't mean denial. 

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:15

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

This is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. 1 John 5:11

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1 

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him. Ecclesiastes 8:6 

We have hope because... Sara, Rachel, Rebekah, Hannah, and Elizabeth just to name a few. 

It took me a while to open up about our struggle, but as I shared our story and others reached out sharing theirs or telling me ours was inspiring... I knew I had chosen the right thing to do. Letting our trial be a part of my testimony, has had its ups and downs. We've had people give us the dreaded comments/questions/advice, but we've also gained so many that now intercede for us in prayer. That in itself is one of the biggest blessings that has come from sharing our story. 

I also believe that just because we haven't gotten a yes yet, doesn't mean we won't. God's timing is perfect, and we have to trust in it! 

Have a blessed rest of your week! One more lesson learned to share..and then I'll be taking a break through the Christmas Holidays!