Just An Update

    As I previously stated in another post, my husband and I have decided to take a break from fertility treatments. Some people that know us well have asked us, "When do you plan to start back?" Well we don't really have a set plan. I mentioned to Brandon just yesterday about possibly starting back in July. Starting in July would give us an opportunity to go through a round of treatment before school starts back. It is not set in stone, but is a possibility. 

    Over the past 5 weeks I have begun trying to lose weight to help with our chance of getting pregnant. Do we know if this will actually help? No, but the purpose of our break was to work on ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually. So this is where I am/we are. 

I have lost 10 pounds over the past 5 weeks.

We continue to pray and pray for the gift of a child.

I continue to read scripture and have my quiet time. 

We continue to trust God's timing is perfect. 

I continue to constantly think about what our future could look like with or without children. 

I continue to have breakdowns when seeing other announcements of pregnancy. 

I continue to tell our story to new people I meet even if they are not in the same situation. 

We continue to lean on our family & friends for support. 

We continue to do our Bible Study together twice a week. 

We spend more intentional time in prayer together for ourselves & for others. 

Dear God, 

    I pray for us as we continue to seek your plan in regards to starting a family. I pray for wisdom to know what to do as we face each step of this process. I pray for all the couples that are currently struggling with any part of infertility. I pray that they are also relying on you and believing and trusting in Your will and timing. We thank you that we know You are working in our lives even though we might not physically see it yet. Thank you for loving us even though we fall short daily. In Jesus name, AMEN! 

"For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven't stopped praying for you. We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints' inheritance in the light." Colossians 1: 9-12

Worth

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27 

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works. Psalm 139:14 

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 

As we just celebrated Mother's Day a week and a half ago...I wonder if it is hard for anyone else that is going through infertility too? Or if men struggle with celebrating Father's Day too? We want to be celebrated on this day so so so bad too! 

So does the possibility of not being parents change our worth to the world? to God? 

Maybe to the world we are less, I don't know really. Do I ever feel like I am less of woman because I can't have a baby? Does my husband feel less of a man with us not being able to have a child right now? Well, I am gonna leave those questions right there...and focus on what God says about our worth to Him? 

The Bible tells us that we are CREATED IN GOD'S IMAGE, FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, LOVED SO MUCH THAT GOD SACRIFICED HIS SON FOR US, CHOSEN, DAUGHTERS AND SONS OF A KING, REDEEMED, MADE ALIVE IN CHRIST AND SO MUCH MORE.

I have been reading 1 Samuel 1-2: The story of Hannah and here are some notes I previously had written in my Bible regarding her story.  

-Hannah poured out her heart before the Lord over and over! 

-The Lord remembered her.

-Prayer involves expressions of the longings of our heart, conviction that God hears and responds to our cries, and devotion of God's gift for God's glory. 

Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 

Dear God, As we continue to pour out our hearts desires to you we are thankful that you hear them and that we know the correct response will come in your timing. I pray we'd continue to remember these things on our journey. I pray for all that are struggling. I pray for their strength, I pray for the desires of their heart too Lord. We love you Lord, and thank you for all that you are doing in our lives in the midst of our infertility journey. Help to always remember who we are in your eyes! Amen

Idols

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for, I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God... Exodus 20:4-5

This week, idols have really been on my mind for some reason. I feel like this is a really odd topic to post about, but I've really wanted to just share where my heart was at this week. 

This week, I was spending some time in the Word, and what I was reading made me want to examine myself, my heart and my head. An idol, is anything (person, place, thing, etc) we put in the place of God. So I asked myself, what do I turn to when I am anxious, upset, angry, or any of these other emotions? Is there something taking God's spot as the ultimate and supreme ruler over my life/heart? Then, I did something terrible right here, I started to think about another individual's idols (or what I believe they are) and how I was going to help them fix it. Thank goodness, God got me back in the right mindset real quick as I looked back at a previous study. It made me go back to a Bible Study I had done a few years ago with a small group from church, gods at War by Kyle Idleman. In this study, it goes over many possibilities of what little g gods could be in our lives; food, money, power, addictions, entertainment, success, ourselves, and more. So I skimmed through the book, and here are a few things that stuck out to me. 

"God is jealous for your heart, not because he is petty, but because He loves you." 
"He doesn't want us to just make room in our closet for Him, He wants the closet to Himself." 
""I'm successful" says we are giving glory to ourselves. "I'm blessed" says we are giving the glory to God." 
"Idols are defeated not be removing them, but by being replaced." 
"God is always in first place. But there are no places. God isn't interested in competing against others or being first among many...He isn't interested in being the president of the board, He is the board." 

I wrote these things down on sticky notes, and began to write down some of my favorite verses and other sayings too. Here are a couple I wrote down. 

From Secret Church 2019: "Our relationship with God in prayer should look like a consuming addiction in our lives, not a convenient addition to our lives."- David Platt 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 

But the real question here is what does all of this have to do with our infertility journey? 

Well, through this journey we have had many heartaches and many times where we felt like God was not present in this part of our lives. Those times were times when we weren't opening our Bibles and when we weren't praying as often. However, we know that is He present in every situation, good or bad, whether we feel Him or not. So, all this to say, can the want or drive of having a child become an idol? Do I desire more to have a child, than to have a relationship with God? Now, you may be thinking, Katey, isn't this a little extreme? Well maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But the day I started typing this topic...someone in a facebook group I am in asked the exact same question. I thought to myself, I am not alone in the fact that I felt like this towards the beginning of our road! As we've grown in our faith over the past few years, I don't believe this is a current situation for me, but looking back I can definitely see where this has happened. So my prayer has been that my heart desires Jesus most of all. That I don't let the desire, I believe He put there, be what I desire most. As we've grown in our faith over the past few years, I don't believe this is a current situation for me, but looking back I can definitely see where this has happened. 

Keep the faith! Guard your heart! Desire a relationship with God over everything! 

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. 1 John 5:21

Dear God, I pray that above all else we would guard our hearts. That we would guard it from all the little g gods and idols that are trying to take over and that we have begun to let take over in our lives. Help us to examine our hearts so that if idols are present, they can be replaced by You and You alone. Help us to desire a deeper relationship with you daily. 

AMEN. 

Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs Ps 100:2

Worship...
I was recently introduced to a new song- Rattle by Elevation Worship. This live video is 10 minutes long and is worth every second of listening too. It is very powerful! Last week, I talked about things that we should be doing during our waiting period; worship was one of them.

The first thing that comes up in most people's minds is worshipping through music! However, worship is more than just songs we sing on Sundays and in the car. There are many acts of worship through serving, giving, and living the life God has called us too.

On the days when I am struggling mentally, one of the things I like to do is turn on k-love or christian radio on amazon music, youtube, etc. and spend some time worshipping through music. Sometimes I just walk around the house singing them as loud as I can. It seems to help me physically relax, and be filled with the Spirit.

Scripture about worship:

Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things. Ps 98:1a

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. Ps 95:6

Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. Ps 100:2

Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:23-24
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1

Here are some of my favorites that remind me of how God is in control!

Anchor - Skillet
Anchor by Skillet Video

WayMaker- Michael W. Smith
WayMaker Video

Even If - MercyMe
Even If Video

I Still Believe- Jeremy Camp
I Still Believe

Strong Enough- Matthew West
Strong Enough

Battles- The Afters
Battles


I challenge you to drop what you're doing spend some time worshipping God with your favorite songs! Sing to him, for He HAS done marvelous things! 

Comment with some of your favorite songs to listen to during difficult times! I'd love to add to my list!