For the ones of you who know my family, you also know that I am just like my mom! Everywhere we go, "Oh, I can tell that's your mom." Or other people in our family tell me you act just like your mom. Brandon reminds me often, "You are just like your mom." Well today, is my mom's story of loss to wrap up the pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I take it as a compliment every time someone tells me I am like my mom! She is one of the strongest Christian women I know and was the best mom I could have ever asked for, for me and Whitney. However, this is one story, one part of our lives, that I never thought I'd have in common with her. Before Whitney, and between me and Whitney, there were losses. Here is her story:
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The year was 1986. It seems like a lifetime ago. It seems like just yesterday. Eddie and I had been married for less than a year. We were surprised, but excited, when we knew I was pregnant. That joy was replaced with sadness and grief when, a few weeks later, I was told that I had miscarried. We mourned the loss of our baby, and doctor appointment after doctor appointment yielded additional frustration and heartache. What was wrong? What was the next step? Why, after several months, had my cycles not started again? The answer came on April 1, 1987. I woke up very early in the morning with what I thought were severe stomach cramps. The cramps continued and the pain escalated. Without being too graphic, then came the blood. The situation escalated to the point that we called my OBGYN, and he said to meet him at the emergency room. Shortly after arriving at the hospital, I began hemorrhaging. It turned out that I was in full labor. It was determined that our baby, though not growing, was in the pregnancy sac which had been attached to the lining of my stomach for the last several months. Our baby was born with no distinguishable features and no distinguishable limbs, but our baby, nonetheless. The doctor showed me the baby and asked if I knew what “it” was. Of course, I did! He went and got Eddie and had both of us look, but not hold, him/her. The baby was then placed in a bag that read “pathology” and given to the nurse who exited the room. That was it. The doctor then returned to what would be the next steps for me. After I was stable, I was sent home to spend a week in bed. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, God tells us that His grace is sufficient, and that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I can tell you that I walked out of the hospital that day under HIS strength, not my own. It was God who gave us comfort. He is merciful. He is faithful. In February 1988, we had a healthy baby girl. However, in March of 1990, I miscarried again. I had not even seen the doctor for my first appointment. I remember lying on the couch with a box of Kleenex and crying for hours as I watched a telethon to raise money to help children with disabilities. However, 16 months later, we had another beautiful baby girl. In Isaiah 43:10, God says, “…I will strengthen you. I will give you help. I WILL HOLD ON TO YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND.” Wow! What a promise! I know God was holding on to me as I grieved the loss of our babies and as I rejoiced at the birth of our girls. He wants to hold on to you, too. Let Him.
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