To the Future Father

This is the letter and prayer I wrote to my husband on Father's Day! I have probably said this before, but when we think of infertility we think of women and what they go through. We don't necessarily think about how the husband feels or what he may be going through. I am thankful for my husband that stands by my side no matter challenge we face in life. So if you know a couple that is going through infertility, don't forget to ask about how the husband is doing in the journey and pray for his strength too.

So this week, I wanted to share the letter & prayer I wrote to him on Father's day.

To: The Future Father

Honey,

First I want to say that I am not sure how you are feeling on this day. I am not sure if it hurts you as much to see all the Father’s Day things, as it does for me to handle all the Mother’s Day things. I know you prefer not to talk about it much, but I know you are going through the same feelings I am every time there is an announcement, etc. I want to write you this letter as an encouragement, as a reminder that you are not alone, as a reminder that we are in this together as a team! When I hurt, you hurt...when you hurt, I hurt. Thank you for always being my shoulder to cry on. Thank you for being supportive through my side of treatments. I pray that we will continue to do all that we can do and promised to do in order to try to make our hearts desire a reality. I pray for us often as I know that it is something we think about as every single day goes by without a child, without a little one to hold in our arms, without creating a cute announcement or nursery, and more.

I pray that we would continue to grow in our relationship with Christ daily and seek His plan over our own. I pray that we would remember to lean on each other when the world reminds us we aren’t parents yet. I pray that we would continue to put God first in our marriage as we let his plan unfold for our lives. I pray that when the time comes for hard decisions that we would make it with our hearts turned towards God, and not our heads desires. I pray for our next round of treatments to work so that next year, we will be able to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day happily with our gift from God.

I love you so much and cannot wait to see you as a dad to our future child/children. I wait patiently for God to allow this plan to unfold in our lives.

Love,

Katey

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:25

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

In a valley...on a struggle bus...

Do you ever tell people that your on the struggle bus?

I probably say it way too often. It is definitely how I am feeling today. I have typed multiple topics to share, but I can't seem to make any of them sound right or flow correctly. So here I am at 4:00 in the afternoon, struggling to find the right words to share today. I came to the conclusion that I would just share this struggle. 

Truth is only 10-15 people have read the last few post and I have been struggling with whether or not I should continue. Is it worth it for me to continue to share my heart and our journey with only a handful of people reading? The answer is always YES! Yes because I felt like God led me to sharing and yes because...

One of those people might need encouragement that day. 

One of those people might have the same obstacle in front of them. 

One of those people may need a prayer said for them today. 

One of those people may need to see God at work in my life as a reminder that He is still working in theirs. 

One of those people may just need a reminder that someone is struggling just as much as they are. 

So instead of continuing to focus on the fact that I am struggling today, I turn to scripture to the list of things we should be focusing on daily as we press on. As we continue to maneuver through whatever valley we are facing, let us not forget the things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, virtuous, good, praiseworthy...

"I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 3:14

"Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God peace will be with you." 

Philippians 4:8-9

As we press on in our fertility journey, and prepare to return in July, I'm reminded that our plan is not what we need to focus on. God's plan is greater. He is the God of the hills and valleys, and WE ARE NOT ALONE. We are called to join God in his plan, towards His goal. 

Dear God, 

I pray that you would help us to keep our focus on You, and things that align with You and Your plan. I pray no matter the valley or the struggle we are in Lord that you would continue to guide us, to press us toward the goal of fulfilling your call. I pray that your Spirit would continue to fill me with the words that need to be shared as I continue to try to be an example for others. Thank you for always being with us. Great is Thy faithfulness! Amen.  

Showing Grace..even when it is hard

So you don't have kids yet...

1. you are trying too hard.

2. relax, don't think about it, and it will happen.

3. don't worry, it will happen eventually.

4. be glad you don't have kids right now, y'all can do whatever you want. 

5. Have you tried_______? 

6. I bet if you both lose a few pounds it might help. 

7. My other friends did _____ and it worked. 

8. It must not be in God's timing right now. 

This is a list of things we've been told over our journey. 

How are we suppose to respond to these comments?

Sometimes I explode.

Sometimes I get so angry/frustrated.

Sometimes I just think why do people keep saying these things to us.

Sometimes I just say ok and move on.

Sometimes I don't let the comments get to me. 

Sometimes I remember HE WOULD LOVE FIRST. (HWLF) 

Sometimes I show grace and love.

Sometimes I honor God with my response. 

The truth is honoring God with grace and love should be in all our responses no matter what situation we may be facing. I should always remember He (Jesus) would love first. Through His love, grace and mercy are shown and given. As a believer, God tells us in Colossians what characteristics we are to put on our new self. I know that I am not perfect, and I am not always "dressed" in this manner. It is something I strive for everyday! 

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rules in your hearts..." Colossians 3:12-15a

"Let your speech always be seasoned with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." Colossians 4:6

 

When I first announced on facebook about our journey and that I was going to be doing this, I mentioned that infertility is not something people talk about because people don't understand, or have no idea what to say to us. If someone has never encountered a person facing these issues, they don't know how to approach the conversation. They might not know that these mostly innocent sayings crush us every time they are mentioned to us. However, it is our job to inform and advocate just like anyone going through another situation would.  

The best thing, in my opinion, you can say to someone going through infertility, "I'm praying for you." or "How can I pray for you?" Then in that moment pray for them!  

To the person reading this who has had these same things told to them: You are not alone. We are all in this together! Don't forget to show GRACE and always remember HE WOULD LOVE FIRST! 

Dear God, 

Today, I pray for the couples that are hearing these comments. I pray we would all remember to show grace. I pray we'd remember to love first just as you do for us every single day! Thank you for your love and grace. We would be lost without it. I pray that conversations will be made, that what we are going through won't be ignored just because people don't know how to act/react/what to say/etc. I pray that we would be strong and love always! Thank you for all you have given us! AMEN!